Pansy Parkinson is Starting Over
by gingaloid
Summary: When Pansy Parkinson becomes disowned, she has no chance but to change her name and start over. Just a tiny little ficlet.


**A/N: This is my first fanfiction-y thing that I wrote. Ever. I do not own Pansy Parkinson, she is property of J.K. Rowling and the amazing brain inside of her head.**

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><p>The concept of love was never an easy task for Pansy Parkinson. Growing up, her parents never kissed her goodnight or read her a bedtime story. Pansy was passed from nanny to nanny, each one more brutal than the one before, each one neglecting her a bit more. She was seven when she decided that love didn't exist. There was best friend love, sure. She knew best friend love thanks to Draco Malfoy, the son of some family friends. They used to run around and play games together, terrorize the birds in the trees, chase the peacocks in the yard of the Malfoy Manor. Yes, she definitely knew best friend love. Parent love, however, was a nonexistent concept, made up for imaginative children through fairytales.<p>

Fairytales? What a laugh. Pansy didn't believe in those either. Wishes had never been granted to her. Prayers had never been answered. It was also at the age of seven that Pansy decided she didn't have a heart. How could she? She wasn't like other girls she knew, with the pink ribbons in their hair, and lavender gingham dresses…She sat inside most days, her long hair in black clips, usually wearing an outfit of some dark shade. No, she didn't think she had a heart.

Once when she was nine years old, Pansy was in the yard of that blond-haired Malfoy boy's house with him. They were playing hide and seek in the bushes, and she was so winning. She was hiding by a bush near the front door, when she heard the blond boy coming closer. She sat, hoping he didn't find her so she would win…but also wishing he would find her. At nine years old, Pansy wanted to kiss the blond boy, but wouldn't. On that day, Pansy began to think maybe, _just maybe_ she did have a heart. After all, you can't want to kiss someone and not have a heart in your chest.

That night, though, after being thrown in her room by her nanny, tears streaming down her face, Pansy decided she absolutely did have a heart. She had been thinking about it ever since her urge to kiss the Malfoy boy. It was after dinner that her decision to have a heart was made. During dinner with her parents, her father mentioned that he saw a mud stain on her dress (she _had_ been in bushes, after all). Pansy was not allowed to get her dresses dirty. If she did, she was taken downstairs, and her father would smack her a few times. It was in the middle of the umpteenth beating of her life, that Pansy realized she _had_ to have a heart. She decided she did. If she had no heart, something inside her wouldn't break with every smack of her father's hand. Sitting in her room, crying, the thought of seeing Draco later that week for another play date gave her hope. Heartless people couldn't have hope, right?

Over the next two years, her thought process began to change. Visits with the Malfoys became more frequent, as their fathers and mothers began doing serious work for some really powerful boss. It was during those two years of attempted missions to spy on their parents, chasing peacocks, fantasizing about Hogwarts, and terrorizing the house elves that Pansy Parkinson developed a crush on the boy named Draco. She was determined for it to be gone, though, once school started. Yes, she may have discovered a heart beat in her chest, but she wanted so badly to be in Slytherin, and Slytherin girls did _not_ waste their time fawning over boys like the Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws.

Fast forward to the age of 14. Sorted into Slytherin, being the toughy bitch of the brood, Pansy Parkinson still had crush on Draco Malfoy. No, not a crush. Pansy liked him. A lot. Enough to get ballsy and tell him. At age 14, her belief that she had a heart was confirmed when Draco Malfoy rejected her. She could practically hear something inside of her break, but she would never admit it to anybody. She blew it off, pretending not to care, as if a boy could really break a muscle within her chest. No. She couldn't like him that much. She wouldn't let it affect her. That summer, she went home, feeling rejected and as convinced as ever that love did _not_ exist. Angry, she rebelled against her parents' house rules and her father beat her twice as hard. She didn't care. She couldn't love, anyways.

Move to today. In 13 days, Pansy will be 17. A legal adult, nothing holding her back. Her crush since the age of 9 is still ever present in the background of her mind, playing hide and seek. Things are slightly different now. That nine year old boy is now in his sixth year with her at Hogwarts. Now instead of calling him "Malfoy" she calls him "Ace." Instead of calling him "that boy I like" she calls him "my boyfriend." The same boy she played hide and seek with in the bushes, she plays hide and seek with in the Room of Requirement, and now when she feels the urge to kiss him, she can. The boy who made her think she had a heart proved to her that she did, and made her believe in that fairytale stuff called "love."

Today? Pansy once again feels like there is a possibility that she doesn't have a heart. Today? Pansy feels like love doesn't exist. Today? Pansy Parkinson was cut off. Disowned. Humiliated. Stripped of her identity. Her social status. Something inside of her broke off today. Today, Pansy Elizabeth Marie Parkinson was stripped of everything that made her who she was from birth. Pansy Elizabeth Marie Parkinson is now Pansy Elizabeth Marie Renaldi. For two years, she will walk through life answering to a name that does not belong to her. Let Longbottom call her "Puggy." Let people call her "ugly" or "bitch" or "homewrecker." She's starting over anyways…

Today, Pansy Parki—Renaldi. Pansy Renaldi. Today, Pansy Renaldi has no idea who she is or where she is going. The only thing she knows is that there is a beautiful blonde boy who will accompany her wherever that may be. Today, Pansy Parkinson Renaldi has come full circle in her mind.


End file.
